About Horizon
by Snickersnee123
Summary: After seeing Kaidan on Horizon, Shepard was heartbroken over how things ended between them. Then when she receives a voice message from Kaidan, hinting that he wasn't over her, she was determined to find him and tell him just how much she cared for him. FShep/Kaidan
1. Chapter 1 - 'I Thought You Were Dead'

**About Horizon…**

After seeing Kaidan on Horizon, Shepard was heartbroken over how things ended between them. Then when she receives a voice message from Kaidan, hinting that he wasn't over her, she was determined to find him and tell him just how much she cared for him.

_A/N: So this was just an idea that popped into my head this morning. I will probably still make some changes to the story. This is set during Mass Effect 2 – just after the mission on Horizon. Female Shepard and Kaidan romance._

_Disclaimer: Mass Effect and all characters belong to Bioware._

**Chapter 1 – 'I Thought You Were Dead, Shepard'**

The door slammed shut behind Shepard, Garrus and Miranda who just returned from their mission on Horizon. Joker turned his seat around as Shepard stormed past the pilot towards her cabin, not even acknowledging him. Garrus and Miranda entered a few seconds later. Miranda seemed uncaring and simply said, "I'll be in my room if anyone needs me." Before walking towards her room.

Joker eyed Garrus curiously, as Garrus sighed, shifting his weight to lean against the doorframe.

"So…" Joker said quietly, "What was that about? What happened down there?"

Garrus shook his head, staring at his feet. "We, uh…" he looked up at Joker, who was staring up at him, patiently. It wasn't like Shepard to act this way, and the entire crew knew it.

"The colony…?" Joker asked, already knowing the answer.

"Gone." Garrus simply said, staring out the window.

Joker stared at his lap, sighing. "We were too late then."

Garrus nodded and stood up straight, "There was... uh… something else too."

Joker's head shot up, a questioning look in his eyes.

"We ran into Kaidan…" Garrus said quietly, staring at Joker, a worrying expression clear on his face.

Joker's eyes widened as he breathed, "Oh…"

Commander Shepard aggressively slammed her fist onto the elevator panel, instructing it to take her to the top level of the Normandy – her cabin. The only place she had any privacy. The only place she could clear her head after missions; and she needed some space after this mission specifically. She didn't even care about the worrying looks her crew gave her, as she stormed past them to get to the elevator. Shepard's Yeoman, Kelly Chambers, even tried talking to her, but decided to let it go, after she saw the look on Shepard's face.

As the elevator doors opened, Shepard impatiently walked towards her cabin. The doors slid open and she automatically walked towards her desk, staring down at the photo of Kaidan.

When Cerberus revealed that they had built the Normandy SR-2, Shepard was flattered at how they built the captain's cabin especially for her. She didn't wait long to make it her own either. Purchasing a variety of different fish for the enormous fish tank and setting up collectable models ships next to the desk. She even bought a hamster on the Citadel, thinking that the little creature might actually make her lonely cabin more tolerable… but the first thing she did, was put a photo of her friend and ex-lover, Kaidan Alenko, on her desk, right beside her computer. Being able to look at his photo every day, knowing that one day she might see Kaidan again, was the only thing that kept her going. The only thing that inspired her to get out of bed and onto the battlefield with the Collectors.

Shepard frowned and out of frustration, slammed the photo frame down on her desk. She turned around and collapsed onto the giant black sofa in front of her bed.

She stared up at the ceiling, replaying the whole scene in her mind.

When Kaidan suddenly made an appearance on Horizon… that moment she saw him, her heart skipped a beat. When the Illusive Man first mentioned Kaidan's name and that he was on Horizon, she tried not to get her hopes up. She knew that there was very little chance to run into him during a Collector attack, and even if she did see him, how would he react?

She sighed as she remember how he walked up to her, staring at her in disbelieve, and hugging her. Holding her tightly, like he never wanted to let go.

"_I thought you were dead, Shepard… We all did."_

She remembered sighing as she squeezed him tight. She could feel his heartbeat, as she lay her head on his shoulder. His breath tickling her neck, as he exhaled slowly. She could've sworn his heart was racing as well. His familiar musk enchanting her…

When he finally let her go, she resisted the urge to pull him to her and hold him again. Those first few moment were perfect, but then it all changed. His loving gaze turned hard. His relaxed posture tensed, and suddenly he wasn't Kaidan anymore. He was angry, hurt… betrayed.

"_I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real. I loved you. Thinking you were dead, tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?" _

His voice echoed in her mind, painfully, as she closed her eyes. Kaidan was angry at her for working with Cerberus. She tried to make him understand, but he refused to see reason.

The man she loved refused to even try to understand why she was doing this. And that truly hurt her.

When he turned his back on her and walked away, it felt like someone had ripped her heart from her chest. Like someone was punching her in the stomach with every step he took. If it weren't for Garrus asking if she was alright, she might've never moved from that spot. That spot were Kaidan broke her heart.

Shepard's eyes shot open as a tear crept down her cheek, tickling her. She quickly rubbed her cheek with the back of her hand and sat up straight. It wasn't like her to be upset about these silly things. It wasn't like her to cry…

She was angry now. This was exactly why she never wanted to fall in love in the first place. She had always promised herself that she would never fall in love, as she knew that, once you give your heart to someone fully, you also give them the power to break it.

And as she found herself falling for Kaidan more than two years ago, she explained it to him too. Explained why they couldn't be together, but Kaidan wouldn't take no for an answer.

"_Shepard…"_ he said, cupping her cheek in his right hand, "_There is no other person in the entire universe that I care for as much as I care about you. I would never hurt you." _

And for the first time in her life, she let herself go. She fell hopelessly in love with him, despite her promise to herself.

'And just look at what he did to you!' Shepard reminded herself, angrily. She rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands, sighing deeply.

She had other things to worry about – the Collectors succeeded in abducting yet another human colony. People were relying on her and her team to save them, and she knew Miranda would probably have a few things to say about the mission.

Shepard stood up and slowly made her way to the door. Before exiting her cabin, she paused and glanced over her left shoulder, at the photo lying face down on her desk.

'Kaidan has moved on… you should too.'

…

_A/N: Please feel free to make any suggestions/corrections to the story. :)_


	2. Chapter 2 - Kaidan's Message

_A/N: Here goes... my second chapter of my first attempt at writing Mass Effect fan fiction. O__h, and in this version of the story, Kaidan sends Shepard a voice message – not just a normal email. I got the idea when I heard the clip available online, where Raphael Sbarge (Kaidan's voice actor) reads the letter._

**Chapter 2 – Kaidan's Message:**

Garrus impatiently tapped his fingers on the elevator panel, as he waited for it to take him down to the Engineering Deck where Shepard was talking to Grunt.

When ED informed him that Shepard was on her way to calm Grunt down, he immediately ran after her. Recently Grunt had gotten even more aggressive and hostile, which made the entire Normandy crew uneasy. Grunt was unpredictable, and Garrus didn't like the thought of Shepard being alone with him.

As the elevator doors slid open, Garrus stormed out of the elevator towards Grunt's room, his hand reaching for his weapon. When he entered he was relieved to see an unharmed Shepard standing right in front of him. Her arms crossed, a stern look on her face and she lifted her eyebrow curiously.

"Garrus…?"

He looked at Grunt who seemed like he didn't even realise Garrus was there. He was simply smashing his fist into the wall behind his tank, growling.

"Eh…" Garrus looked at Shepard, and let go of his weapon, "Is… everything alright down here?" he made a gesture towards Grunt.

Shepard nodded, letting her arms fall to her sides. "Yes, but…" she walked towards the door, "We'll be heading to Tuschanka soon."

As she left the room, Garrus looked at Grunt one last time, shaking his head. "Krogan…" then followed Shepard to the elevator.

"Shepard, how many times do I have to remind you that Krogan are unpredictable and very dangerous?" he sighed, impatiently, as the doors slid open and they entered the elevator. "It's not wise to be alone with Grunt, especially in his current condition."

Shepard smiled, shaking her head, "And how many times do I have to tell you to stop worrying about me? I know how to handle him." She appreciated how Garrus was always looking out for her, even though he could be a little overbearing sometimes.

Garrus sighed, "You _think_ you know how to handle him, Shepard. What if one day, he loses it and smashes your face through that tank of his? As your best friend, I feel it's my duty to protect you against raging Krogan. Especially the tank-born kind."

Shepard chuckled as the elevator stopped, opening its doors to the Combat Information Centre deck. Shepard exited the elevator and turned to Garrus, "Tell you what, next time I go visit Grunt, I'll take you with. Deal?"

"Deal. Now if you'll excuse me, I was in the middle of something very important, before I was forced to come rescue you."

"Calibrating?" Shepard asked, mockingly.

"Calibrating." Garrus smiled, as the door slid shut.

Shepard grinned, shaking her head. She was so happy that Garrus was part of her team again. She could not imagine the Normandy without him. That smooth-talking Turian always managed to make her smile.

"Commander, there is a new message at your private terminal." Kelly Chambers' voice broke Shepard's line of thought. She turned around, thanked Chambers and walked up to her computer.

She clicked on the email icon and a message popped up. The subject read "About Horizon…" Shepard arched her eyebrow. Maybe another message from the Illusive Man about the abducted colony on Horizon? She opened the message and her heart jumped.

"From: Kaidan Alenko"

She inhaled quickly and held her breath, staring at his name. She glanced up at her crew, who were all minding their own business. She glanced back down at her computer screen. This was a voice message from Kaidan… she couldn't listen to it in front of everyone.

She lifted her head and cleared her throat. "EDI, tell Joker to set course for Tuchanka."

"Yes, Shepard."

"And Chambers… I will be in my room." Chambers nodded and smiled at the captain, who turned around and made her way to her private quarters.

Shepard slowly took a seat in front of her computer, staring at Kaidan's name on the screen. She moved the cursor to the 'play voice message' button, but couldn't bring herself to click it.

It had been almost a week since she ran into Kaidan on Horizon. Why would he contact her now? What did he want to say? After a few seconds, she inhaled deeply, closing her eyes and finally forcing herself to click the button.

"_Shepard…"_ Kaidan's voice made her heart skip a beat and she held her breath as he continued.

"_I'm sorry about what I said back on Horizon. I mean, I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving. I had to move on…"_

Shepard rested her elbow on her desk, her hand rubbing her forehead as she felt a lump in her throat.

"_I finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious but just trying to let myself have a life again, you know? And then… I saw you… And… everything just pulled hard to port."_

Shepard closed her eyes tightly.

"_I mean, you were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I mean, I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore… Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night… meant everything to me. Maybe it didn't mean as much to you… but a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside."_

She shook her head violently, trying to stop the tears forming in her eyes.

"_But… please be careful. I've watched too many close people to me die. On Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon… on the Normandy. And I just couldn't bare it if I had to lose you again."_

A sob escaped her throat as she covered her mouth with her right hand. Eyes still shut tight, a single tear started running down her red stained cheek.

"_If you're still the woman that I remember, I know that you're gonna find a way to stop these Collector attacks, but Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted… Watch yourself."_

There was a long silence. Shepard opened her eyes and stared down at the screen. 'Was that it?' when Kaidan suddenly continued in a low voice.

"_Look, once things settle down a little, maybe… I don't know. Just take care."_

Shepard didn't move; she simply stared down at her computer screen. 'Maybe…? Maybe what?' she thought to herself. Maybe Kaidan hasn't moved on after all.

She looked to her right, at the photo of Kaidan, still lying face-first on her desk. Slowly reaching out, she picked up the photo and set it upright, so she could look at him. 'Maybe…'

After quickly wiping away the tears in her eyes, she closed Kaidan's message. She knew that she had other things to focus on. But once they return from Tuchanka, she'll set course for the Citadel.

She had to talk to Kaidan…

….

_A/N: And there we go... let me know what you guys think! :) I think the story might get a little steamier -wink-wink- in the later chapters. Looking forward to any feedback!_


End file.
